Falling for the Foster Mom Page 14

  ‘We should really make sure those two aren’t getting up to any mischief.’

  ‘Like us?’ He arched that devil eyebrow again, daring her to do something more wicked than snatching a few kisses out of sight.

  She swallowed hard and tried to centre herself so she didn’t get carried off into the clouds too easily.

  ‘I hope not,’ she muttered under her breath. If Simon was in a fraction of the trouble she was in right now she’d completely lose the plot.

  ‘I want you.’ Matt’s growl in her ear spoke directly to her hormones, sending them into a frenzy and making her thankful she had a two-hundred-year-old oak tree to keep her upright.

  These illicit encounters were all very exciting, but for someone as sexually charged as Matt, her inability to follow it through to the bedroom again would get old real quick.

  Now that she’d discovered how fiercely hot their passion could burn, left unchecked there was nothing she’d enjoy more than falling into bed with him, but it was difficult to find enough Simon-free time to revel in each other the way they wanted to.

  It was wrong to keep asking Mrs Johns to babysit and she was afraid if she started sleeping over at Matt’s she would have to inform the foster authorities of his involvement in her life. That meant forcing him into a commitment he’d been very clear he didn’t want and could signal the end of the good thing they had going. No matter how frustrated she was waiting for some more alone time it had to be better than never seeing him again.

  Matt grazed his teeth along her neck, gave her a playful nip, and she began to float away from common sense all over again.

  A snuffling sound at her feet and a wet tongue across her bare toes soon grounded her. She should have known open-toed sandals were a bad move for a dog walk.

  ‘Maisie?’

  The dog apparently had a shoe fetish, having already chewed one of Matt’s expensive work shoes and buried the other. It was just as well she was cute or she might have found herself back in doggie prison. Thankfully, Matt’s soft spot for waifs and strays was greater than his affinity for Italian leather. Although it must have been a close call.

  ‘Yay! She found you.’ Simon came into view still attached to the other end of the lead and Quinn was quick to push Matt aside.

  ‘She’s a good tracker.’ She bent down to rub Maisie’s ears. It wasn’t their canine companion’s fault she didn’t understand the necessity for discretion.

  ‘Whatcha doin’ here?’ Simon tilted his head to one side as he assessed the scene.

  ‘We...er—’ She struggled for a cover story.

  ‘Were playing hide and seek. You won.’ Matt stepped in with a little white lie to save her skin. He could very well have told Simon the truth that they were together and stopped all of this pretence but that would entail following up with an actual relationship which involved sleepovers and paperwork. Perhaps Matt’s eyes were open to all the baggage that she’d bring and he’d decided it wasn’t worth the effort after all.

  She had a horrible feeling their fragile relationship was already on the countdown to self-destruction.

  ‘Is it our turn to hide?’ Simon’s eyes were wide with excitement, the biggest smile on his face at the prospect of the game. It was going to be tough when it went back to being just the two of them.

  She forced down the lump in her throat. ‘Yup. We’ll count to twenty and come and find you.’

  Surely none of them could get into too much trouble in that short space of time?

  She was rewarded with another beaming smile and a lick. Neither of which came from Matt.

  ‘I’m as fond of a quickie as the next guy but twenty seconds? You wound me.’ He clutched his chest in mock horror at the slight against his stamina.

  That pleasure might seem like an age ago now but she could attest that it definitely wasn’t a problem. She evaded eye contact and ignored the renewed rush of arousal as her body recalled the memory in graphic detail or they’d be in danger of losing Simon in the woods altogether.

  ‘One...two...three...’

  ‘You’re killing me, you know.’ He shook his head and from the corner of her eye Quinn saw him adjust the crotch of his trousers. A sight which was becoming more common with the increased rate of these passionate clinches. It wasn’t fair on either of them.

  ‘I don’t mean to be a tease.’ She gestured towards his groin area.

  ‘I know but we really need to find a way to make this work.’

  ‘Your penis?’ She wanted to make him laugh, to steer the conversation away from that area of conflict they’d never be able to resolve satisfactorily.

  It almost worked. He laughed at least.

  ‘No, I’m fine in that department as you very well know. I mean us. We can’t go on indefinitely hiding as though we’re doing something wrong.’

  ‘It’s not as simple as clearing a space in my bathroom cabinet for your hair care products.’ Her levity was waning as he made her face the reality of their situation.

  ‘Of course. I’ll require considerable wardrobe space too.’

  ‘For an overnighter?’

  ‘I do like a selection so I can dress according to my mood.’

  Why couldn’t life be as easy as their banter? Then perhaps her stomach wouldn’t be tied up in knots waiting for the asteroid to hit and annihilate her world.

  ‘All joking aside, we both know having you stay at my place, or us at yours, will only confuse Simon more than we already have. If we become an official couple I’ll have to let the foster people know. I probably should’ve done that already but I didn’t want to jinx this by putting it down on paper.’

  The warmth of Matt’s hands took the chill from her shoulders as he reassured her. ‘As long as we’re not signing a contract of intent I don’t see why that should change things between us. It’s understandable they’ll want to protect Simon with background checks on anyone in his life but it’s none of their business what our arrangement is. We can remain discreet where he’s concerned. I’m the last person who wants him thinking I’m his replacement father. I can come over when he’s asleep, leave before he’s awake and make that time in between ours.’

  She shivered, although there was no breeze in the air. It was a tempting offer, better than she expected in the circumstances. Yet there was something cold about the proposition. It snuffed out the last embers of hope that he’d ever want more than a physical relationship with her. Somewhere in her romantic heart she’d still imagined he could’ve been nudged further towards a more permanent role in their family. This was exactly the reason she’d wanted to keep Simon protected, because it was too late for her.

  ‘That could work,’ she said, not convinced it was the answer but the best one available for the moment.

  At some point she was either going to have to push for more or sever all ties. Neither of which she was brave enough to do without prompting. The one consolation was that he was willing to stick around in some capacity and hadn’t used this as an excuse to walk away. These days she took all the positives where she could find them and that new attitude had propelled her and Simon further forward than she could have hoped for.

  Not that she was ready to admit it to anyone until she was one hundred percent sure it was the right thing to do, but she was thinking of making her and Simon’s relationship more permanent. He was finally settling into her home, relaxing in her company and opening up to her. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to start all over again in a new town, with a new family and go to a school where they knew nothing of what he’d been through. Above everything else, she loved him as though he was her own son. He mightn’t be of her flesh and blood, but she hurt when he hurt, cried when he cried, and seeing him happy again made her happy. They needed each other.

  Adoption wasn’t going to be straightforward, not even for a foster pa
rent. She needed a bit more time to be certain it was right for both of them before she committed to the decision. There was no way she’d promise Simon a future if she thought she couldn’t deliver. It would also be the end game for her and Matt.

  His whole take on their relationship was based on the temporary nature of hers with Simon too. There was no way he’d stay involved once he found out she had ideas of becoming a permanent mum and all of the baggage that entailed. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Matt either. For the meantime, it was better if the status quo remained the same.

  ‘We’ll talk it over later. When Simon’s in bed.’

  She would’ve mistaken his words for another wicked hint of what he wanted to do to her except he was taking her hand and leading her back towards Simon and the dog. It was his way of telling her he understood her concerns and was happy to comply. She swore her heart gave a happy sigh.

  ‘Nineteen...twenty. Here we come, ready or not.’

  Simon wasn’t difficult to spot, his red jacket flashing in the trees and Maisie rolling in the grass beside him.

  Quinn motioned for Matt to flank him from the far side whilst she approached from the other.

  ‘Gotcha!’ she said as she tagged him. It was only then she noticed his poor face streaked with tears.

  ‘What’s wrong, wee man?’ Matt crouched down to comfort him too, as Quinn fought the urge to panic or beat herself up. She’d only left him for a few minutes.

  ‘Are you hurt? Did you fall?’ She rolled up his trousers searching for signs he’d cut himself or had some sort of accident.

  He sniffed and shook his head. ‘I thought you weren’t coming for me.’

  She was numb for the few seconds it took for the enormity of his fears to hit home. Simon longed for stability, had to be confident there’d be at least one person constant in his life taking care of his interests, or he’d never feel truly safe. Ready or not, it was her time to commit.

  She hugged Simon tight and kissed the top of his head. ‘I’m always going to be here for you. I love you very, very much and don’t you ever forget it.’

  Another sniff and a big pair of watery green eyes stared up at her.

  ‘Thanks... Mum,’ he said softly, as if testing the name on his lips. It almost had her sobbing along with him.

  There was zero chance of her letting him go back into the system again without a fight. Whatever happened now, Simon was going to be the biggest part of her future and his happiness was her greatest reward.

  She pulled him close again, channelling her love and hope for him in the embrace, and caught a glimpse of Matt’s face over the top of his head as he joined in on the group hug. He was including himself in this moment of family unity when he could easily have stepped back and played no part in it. It was impossible not to let that flutter of hope take flight again when everything finally seemed to be coming together. She’d been brave enough to make that leap for Simon’s sake and now it was Matt’s turn to decide who, and what, he wanted.

  * * *

  It was a three-letter word—not the three little words Matt couldn’t bring himself to say—which spelled the beginning of the end.

  Mum.

  He was happy for Quinn. It had been a beautiful moment watching them create a bond that nothing in this world could break. Including him. Not that he intended to come between them but he simply wasn’t compatible with the new set-up. It was early days so it wasn’t clear what role they expected him to play as the dynamics changed, but he was already becoming antsy about it.

  Now they were back at Quinn’s. She was putting Simon to bed, the dog was snoring by his feet and the scene would’ve been enough to content any family man. Except he wasn’t a family man. Not with Quinn and Simon at least.

  He enjoyed the lifestyle he had now. The one before they’d gatecrashed his apartment. He’d worked hard to gain his freedom and he wasn’t about to trade it in for another unplanned, unwanted fatherhood. Some part of him had hoped that might change, that he might step forward and be the man they all needed him to be. Yet the overriding emotion he’d felt as they’d hugged wasn’t happiness. That generally didn’t bring on heart palpitations and an urge to run.

  He was as fond of Simon as he was his own sisters and nieces and he was in love with Quinn, but it wasn’t enough to persuade him to stay for ever. What if it didn’t last anyway? He knew from experience his conscience wouldn’t let him walk away from a child who counted on him for support and he didn’t want to become emotionally tied to two families. It would be a step back and he wasn’t afraid to admit he wasn’t up to the job this time around if it meant saving everyone unnecessary pain later on.

  Quinn tiptoed back downstairs from Simon’s bedroom and curled up beside him on the settee. She rested her head on his chest the way she did most nights when they had five minutes together and yet tonight it seemed to hold more significance than he was comfortable with.

  This wasn’t about sex; it was about unwinding with each other at the end of the day, sharing the details of their struggles and triumphs. The companionship was becoming as important as the physical stuff, as were the emotions. Stay or go, it was going to hurt the same.

  Her contented sigh as she cuddled into him reached in and twisted his gut. If only he was as settled there wouldn’t be an issue but he was dancing over hot coals, afraid to linger too long and get burned.

  ‘That was some day,’ he said as he stroked the soft curtain of her hair fanned across his chest.

  ‘Uh-huh. I never saw it coming. I mean, I was having a hard time thinking about him moving on but to hear him call me Mum—’ Her voice cracked at the sentiment and Matt’s insides constricted a little tighter.

  ‘It’s a big deal.’

  ‘We’ll have to get the ball rolling and make our intent known regarding the adoption. The sooner he knows this is his real home, the better.’ She was full of plans, more invigorated by the breakthrough than Matt was prepared for.

  ‘We?’ Matt’s fingers tangled in her hair, his whole body tense. This was exactly how he hadn’t wanted this to play out.

  ‘It’s a figure of speech.’ She sat bolt upright, eyes wide and watching his reaction. He wasn’t that good an actor and neither was she. Slip of the tongue or not, Quinn didn’t say things she didn’t mean. She was already including him in the plans for Simon’s future.

  He leaned back, creating a healthy space between them so he could think clearly without the distraction of her softness pressed against him.

  ‘Quinn—’

  ‘Would it really be so bad though? I know we’ve danced around the subject but we are in a relationship, Matt. I need to know if you’re behind me in this before we go any further.’

  Nausea clawed its way through his system, his breathing shallow as the walls of his world moved in around him. He may as well be back living in that tiny council flat in Dublin where he’d barely enough room to breathe.

  ‘Of course I’m behind you. I think adopting Simon will be good for you both.’

  Quinn took a deep breath. ‘I need to know if you’re going to be part of it. I can’t go through this again unless I know you’re going to be with me one hundred percent. He’s been through so much—neglected by his parents...abandoned by a foster family who’d promised him for ever—Simon needs, deserves, people willing to sacrifice everything for him. So do I.’ She was braver than he, putting everything on the line and facing facts where he wasn’t able to. It sucked that she was giving him a choice because then he had to make it.

  ‘I just...can’t.’

  ‘But you already are. Don’t you see? You’re already part of our lives. All I’m asking is that you’ll commit to us. I love you, Matt.’

  The words she thought would fix everything only strengthened his case against this. It didn’t matter who loved who because in the end the
y’d come to resent each other for it anyway. Love tied people together when the best thing could be for them to go their separate ways and find their own paths to happiness. Quinn and Simon would be better off without someone who’d learned to be selfish enough to want a life of his own.

  ‘And what? Do you honestly think telling me that will erase my memory? I told you from the very start I didn’t want anything serious. Adopting Simon sounds pretty damn serious to me. I told you I don’t make promises I can’t keep—that’s why I was very sure not to make any.’ Even as the words came out of his mouth he wanted to take them back, tell her he was sorry for being so harsh and take her in his arms again. He couldn’t. Not when he was trying to make her see what a lost cause he was and how she’d be better off without him. He wanted her to hate him as much as he hated himself right now. It would be easier in the long run for her to move on by thinking he was capable of such cruelty when, actually, his own heart was breaking that this was over.

  Quinn’s blood ran cold enough to freeze her heart, Matt’s words splintering it into tiny shards of ice.

  It was happening all over again.

  Just as she thought things were slotting into place, a man had to ruin everything.

  Matt mightn’t have verbally promised anything but the rejection hurt the same as any other. More so since she’d seen how he was around children, with Simon. They could’ve been great together if he’d only chosen them over his bachelorhood.

  It didn’t feel like it at the moment, but it was best she find out now he wasn’t the man she thought he was than when Simon started calling him Dad.

  Her son was her priority more than ever and she wasn’t going to subject him to a string of fake relatives who’d dump them when they got tired of playing house. She couldn’t be as logical in her thinking as Mr McGrory; her emotions would always get the better of her common sense.

  ‘Yes, you were. How silly of me to forget you had a get-out clause.’