Their Mistletoe Baby Page 4

  ‘They’re in there all snuggled together keeping warm. These are called mittens and all of Santa’s visitors have to wear them so Jack Frost doesn’t nip those little fingers.’ She adjusted the mittens so Hope’s thumbs made it into their own holes and gave her a bit more freedom of movement.

  ‘Scarlett too?’ She grabbed hold of Freya’s other charge for the weekend, the look of concern for her friend’s naked fingers clearly etched on her cherubic face.

  At least it would make her job easier over the weekend if the two little girls were bonding and not pining for any siblings at home.

  ‘Yes, Scarlett too.’ Freya tugged another pair of mittens on, and with their matching cerise ski suits and woolly hats, they could’ve passed for sisters, twins even.

  Her heart lurched at the sight of the two precious bundles whose lives had been entrusted to her for the duration of the trip by their parents. It was a great responsibility but also a huge privilege to be able to give them a taste of a normal childhood. She’d look after them as if they were her own. If things had worked out differently, the way she’d planned her life with Lucas, they could’ve been making this trip to see Santa with their own little ones.

  That space in her heart echoed with sorrow as that image of her, Lucas and the babies she’d imagined they would have flashed into her head. She’d had so much love to give, ready to start their very own family, and he’d ripped it all away from her, leaving her with nothing. Looking after other people’s precious babes was as close as she’d ever get to that mothering side again because she knew she’d never trust another man enough to ever start her own family now.

  ‘So, this is Hope and Scarlett? Hi, girls. My name is Lucas and I’m going to be helping Freya look after you. If there’s anything you need you just come to one of us, okay?’ Lucas had managed to appear beside her without tripping her inner alarm warning and she bristled at having him so close, intruding on the moment. It didn’t help when he was wearing a black beanie hat and electric-blue ski suit and looking like someone ready to have fun instead of a professional heartbreaker.

  ‘Okay,’ the girls chorused, nodding their heads, no doubt charmed already by the handsome doctor. He had that effect on people.

  ‘It’s time to get on the bus.’ She ushered the girls out towards the waiting transportation that was going to take them on the first leg of their journey with more urgency now that he’d arrived on the scene.

  That first blast of cold air was a shock to the system and she shooed the little ones up the bus steps so they didn’t hang about outside any longer than was necessary.

  ‘I only wanted to make sure you had Scarlett’s anti-epilepsy drugs and Hope’s insulin at hand. I’m checking off everyone’s medication before we head out.’ Lucas flipped through the paperwork he’d been studying on the flight as he’d avoided all the on-board activities, and unexpected heat burned Freya’s cheeks at the mistaken belief his attention had been solely for her. Of course he’d be preoccupied with the treatment all of these children needed while they were here. It was his job to coordinate everything so they could travel safely. She would never question his professionalism. It was his cavalier attitude to his marital status she had an issue with.

  ‘Yes, I have the AEDs, insulin and the times they’ve to be administered.’ When it came to the care of her patients she took her job equally as seriously. She’d checked and double-checked everything these girls needed for the duration of this trip and wasn’t leaving anything to chance. Although neither epilepsy nor diabetes were the sort of conditions that necessarily ran to a schedule.

  ‘Good.’ He gave her a curt nod before moving along the line to converse with the other medical members of the team. It was easier to deal with him when he was in doctor mode because it reminded her of the days when they’d been able to work together before chemistry and emotions had got in the way. If he maintained this detached manner and avoided any further mention over their shared past she was more likely to hold back the tears and the urge to slap him.

  Freya stepped on board the bus with renewed fire in her belly. She’d survived the loss of her baby in her teens and had made it through this last year of absolute hell, so she knew she could get through anything.

  ‘Look at the big snowmen!’ Hope and Scarlett had their faces squished up against the bus windows, pointing at the sights along the way, and Freya had to admit she was every bit as impressed by the ten-foot-high figures greeting them on arrival at the clearing where they were to begin their activities.

  They’d made a quick stop to check in at their accommodation first, leaving all unnecessary baggage except the medical equipment they needed and an estranged husband she suddenly couldn’t seem to shake off, and now she was ready to go exploring.

  ‘Isn’t it wonderful?’ With the falling snow, frosted pine trees and the marshmallow landscape waiting for the first footsteps to break the surface, this place was exactly what she needed to compensate for last year’s miserable time.

  The trio was so engrossed by their surroundings that they were last to leave the bus and found the others were already lined up, waiting for the reindeer sleighs to take them through the magical forest, when they stepped outside.

  Lucas was waiting to speak to her at the back of the line. ‘They can only take two at a time.’

  ‘Well, how’s that going to work for us?’ The girls were clutching both of her hands and there was no way she could leave one behind or expect them to go without her.

  ‘I’ve volunteered to take one of the girls with me. It’s not a problem.’

  Maybe not to him but as it seemed the volunteers had all been allocated already to accompany the children along with the medical staff, and she didn’t want them to miss out, she had no other option than to accept his solution to the problem.

  ‘Fine. You go on ahead with Scarlett and I’ll follow with Hope.’ At least the moment wouldn’t be totally ruined if she wasn’t expected to snuggle up beside him. Sleigh rides in the snow were supposed to be fun and romantic and definitely not something to be shared with a soon-to-be ex-husband.

  In contrast, Scarlett was only too eager to climb onto the wooden frame with Lucas, and Freya was able to breathe a little easier once they’d begun their journey deep into the woods without her.

  ‘Our turn next.’ She gave Hope’s hand a squeeze and exchanged cheesy grins with her as their ride arrived.

  The figure leading the reindeer towards them was dressed in the bright red and blue, embroidered traditional costume of the area, adding to the wonder of it all. The reindeer was a magnificent beast, his harness the same colourful fabric of his master, and his majestic antlers dusted with snow. He was so awe-inspiring he could’ve stepped straight out of one of those sentimental movies her mum insisted on watching every year.

  ‘Can I stroke him?’ Hope whispered, bubbling with delight at meeting what she probably imagined was one of Father Christmas’s faithful servants.

  The handler nodded and gave them the go-ahead to get the most from this experience. Freya let Hope pet his muzzle first but she didn’t get in the sleigh until she’d had her chance to touch the soft brown fur herself. It was the kind of quiet, contemplative moment that gave her a pang of regret she didn’t have a child of her own to share it with. She often imagined what her baby would’ve looked like if it had survived, but it didn’t matter how much she tortured herself—she would never know. The need to be a mother again had almost consumed her when she and Lucas had married, she had been so desperate to fill that hole in her heart. This guardianship was as close as she’d get when she’d been let down one too many times by those who’d promised to be there for her.

  If her first fiancé hadn’t run out on her when he’d found out she was pregnant at eighteen, she might never have had the miscarriage. Although she would never know the cause for sure, the stress of having to face life as
a single mother straight out of high school had been overwhelming at the time and would surely have contributed to the tragedy. It was only nursing and the thought she might still become a parent someday, with a man who actually loved her, that had got her through her grief. To have history repeat itself and her husband abandon her and that dream of motherhood had been a bereavement all over again. She was reminded of it every time she looked at him.

  ‘Can he really fly?’ Hope’s excited chatter about the reindeer was a welcome interruption to her journey into self-pity but also a further reminder of everything she’d lost and now would probably never experience. She wouldn’t be part of that parent and child club that got to take part in those simple pleasures of storytelling or leaving snacks out for Santa Claus and his magical reindeer on Christmas Eve. Freya’s parents had made the whole time so special for her she’d always looked forward to doing the same for her own children. As though re-creating that world of make-believe would somehow bring back the magic she’d lost along with her precious baby on that cold December night. Now, with that last hope taken from her, there seemed very little reason for her to celebrate that time of year at all.

  ‘Only on Christmas Eve, I’m afraid, and with the help of very special fairy dust the elves add to their food.’ Freya stopped herself from sliding back too far into her heartache for Hope’s sake and took her seat for the big adventure. Everything seemed a lot more fun when you still believed in the magic.

  The sleigh ride turned out to be a leisurely journey, and though the temperature dropped the deeper they travelled into the woods, they remained toasty warm under the warm woollen blanket covering their laps.

  A sudden flash of movement through the trees caused Hope to cry out, ‘Look! It’s Scarlett and Dr Lucas!’

  Sure enough, every now and again she caught a glimpse of the other two members of the party, grinning and waving frantically at them as they passed on the other side of the track. She couldn’t help but wave back with the same enthusiasm as the others. As long as Lucas didn’t read anything more into it than her joining in the fun, they’d get through this. She hadn’t forgiven him anything and doubted she ever would.

  When they came to the end of the trail, the others, including Lucas and his tiny new sidekick, had formed a semicircle around the staff member nominated as event coordinator and were listening intently to his instructions.

  ‘We have a few activities on offer for you today. If you would like to start at alternate stations and make your way around it will be easier for everyone to have their turn. You will find bathroom facilities in the small building behind us along with a seating area for anyone who finds they want a break or needs to get indoors to warm up. We have storytelling in the tepee tent, there are husky sleigh rides, snowmobiles for the more adventurous among us and, of course, the cookout over the campfire where you’ll be able to fill your bellies.’

  ‘I know which one I’m looking forward to.’ Lucas managed to raise a few laughs from the adults, his easygoing nature making it easy for people to like him, but Freya didn’t want to be one of them. She wanted to maintain an emotional detachment from him until this trip was over and she could really let loose about how she felt.

  ‘Let me guess—we need to go in pairs?’ She cursed herself for being so slow off the bus and putting herself in this position again.

  ‘Is that going to be a problem?’ He cocked his head to one side, the picture of innocence. Once upon a time that playfulness would’ve made her laugh, or swoon, but now that kind of teasing simply set her teeth on edge. They weren’t friends, and they certainly weren’t lovers entitled to flirt. It was deliberate goading.

  ‘Do you want me to swap?’ Gillian sidled up to her with the little boy she’d been tasked with minding clinging to her, and butted in on the conversation, her face a mask of concern.

  ‘No, it wouldn’t be fair on the kids to cause any upheaval now when we’ve all bonded. Honestly, it’s no problem at all,’ Freya reassured her friend, even though they all knew that being tied to her ex for the rest of this weekend was going to test her patience severely.

  * * *

  Lucas had never intended to be so actively involved when he’d assumed this role. He’d simply volunteered as a favour to his colleague with the added bonus of boosting his profile again and showing any doubters he was still the same doctor he’d been before his illness had stripped him of everything. That was before he’d discovered his ex-wife was part of the medical team.

  He could easily have switched with someone else then, just as he could’ve swapped with one of the volunteers now, or gone on ahead and let her catch up, but he hadn’t been able to resist the chance to spend some time with her again when presented with the opportunity. It was the same fascination and wanting her company he’d had when he’d first laid eyes on her and he’d made any excuse to see her inside and outside work.

  It had been tough enough convincing himself he no longer loved Freya when they’d been separated but it was nigh on impossible having seen her again. These past months he’d had his legion of demons to keep him company but now he was free, he realised how much he missed being with Freya. That notion of completely severing all ties now seemed like extra punishment rather than a new beginning.

  He’d kept himself busy, trying to reclaim his life and focusing on work, but she’d been very much a part of that life and it was difficult to let go. Especially when the woman he loved wasn’t even attempting to disguise her contempt for him. He couldn’t blame her when to all intents and purposes he’d walked out of their marriage without a second glance. She wasn’t to know he’d spent the best part of a year simply trying to survive the trauma of his past or that her determination to start a family as soon as possible had terrified him. His fear about becoming his father had robbed her of a chance at motherhood too.

  It was only now, seeing that haunted expression in her eyes every time she looked at him, he realised she’d suffered as he had. She needed to enjoy this trip as much as the children and rediscover some of that innocence he’d stolen from her, and she couldn’t do that when he was here, reminding her what he’d done. He wanted to make amends so she could leave all of that obvious anger and hurt behind and enjoy the rest of her life without any bitterness holding her back. If she would let him close enough to explain the reason behind his departure she might learn to forgive him, even if he’d made it impossible for her to love him again.

  ‘So, Scarlett, where do you want to start?’ His little pink-cheeked companion was waiting patiently by his side for more adventures and he wasn’t about to discard his responsibilities in the pursuit of salvaging his conscience.

  ‘Can we do that?’ She pointed towards the hill of snow where the wooden toboggans were perched, waiting for passengers.

  ‘I think we can manage that, can’t we, Freya?’ There was less of a queue for the more traditional idea of fun compared to the exciting husky rides and the snowmobiles. He was glad they wouldn’t have much of an audience when sledding would be a first for him too. At least it would break them all in gently before the more adventurous pursuits began.

  Freya eyed the small hill, and him warily, her arched eyebrow disappearing beneath her cream woolly bobble hat. She was equally as cute in her layers of thermal outerwear as she’d been in her sexy elf costume but she was definitely still rebelling against the notion of being in close proximity to him.

  ‘Do I have a choice?’ she muttered, for his benefit alone, as the girls ran ahead as fast as their little legs could wade through the deep snow.

  ‘Always.’ He might want her to give him the time of day but he wouldn’t force her to be with him if the idea was so distasteful.

  ‘Really?’ She didn’t have to say any more than that for him to realise he hadn’t actually given her a choice when it came to ending their marriage but she didn’t wait for him to apologise for it. He knew her rel
uctance was nothing to do with the activity and everything to do with him but apparently she’d decided to see this through regardless of his presence since she was off, trudging up the hill behind the girls.

  Once they were all at the top of the hill they separated into pairs again, having deemed it safer for them to accompany the girls rather than let them sled on their own. The air was colder up here and even the inside of his nose felt as though it was beginning to freeze. He didn’t want the girls exposed to the elements any more than necessary.

  ‘How about a race?’ It seemed a straightforward run down the hill, no obstacles, trees or dips to worry about, so even the most inexperienced riders could manage the route with relative ease.

  ‘Yay!’ Scarlett and Hope were jumping up and down so vigorously he had to quieten them down again in case the excitement became too much for either of them.

  Freya didn’t fight him on this one, probably because her nose was getting redder by the second too and this was the quickest way back down the hill. They took the reins in their respective toboggans with the girls tucked securely in front and the bags containing their medication stowed safely with them.

  ‘On your marks...’

  ‘Get set...’

  ‘Go!’ the four of them chorused as they tipped over the brow of the hill.

  The wind whipped at his face as they sped into the snowy abyss but he barely noticed, lost in the exhilaration of it all and being that carefree kid he’d never been before. The shrieks of laughter around him only added to the enjoyment, with even the sound of his own echoing back at him from the forest.

  He couldn’t say which of them finished first because for him it had become more about that sense of pure freedom of speeding down the hill rather than the race itself.