The Doctor's Forbidden Fling Read online

  ‘Why would you say that now when we’ve done everything we could to keep you here tonight?’

  He’d never shown any emotion over her mother’s death, not even in the immediate aftermath. He’d done what he’d always done: pretended the bad stuff wasn’t happening around him and carried on as usual. That had included hiding the truth from her about the overdose, leaving it to others to break that news to her. Hearing him express a wish to swap places with his dead wife at any point was unexpected, out of character, and made him more human. It went some way to softening the hard stance she’d taken against him because of his apparent indifference to her great loss, but he should be celebrating the fact he was still here tonight.

  She eyed Nate, hoping he knew where the hell that had come from. Perhaps he’d done some counselling alongside the heart repairs—a full mind and body MOT.

  ‘Lord Dempsey, are you feeling okay?’ Nate’s frown didn’t tally with insider knowledge of his patient’s sudden attack of conscience. Now he’d witnessed that morbid decline for himself he might be able to prescribe something to lift his mood.

  ‘I know you only came home through a sense of duty, Violet. I’ve barely heard from you in over a decade, for goodness’ sake. I could’ve died tonight without us ever clearing the air and I think it’s time we had this talk before it’s really too late. You’ve made it pretty clear you thought I was responsible for you losing your mother but do you honestly think I ever wanted to be here without her? I blame myself for her death as much as you do but I can’t change what happened. Lord knows, I wish I could.’ He bypassed Nate’s question to continue his train of disturbing thoughts, his eyes red with stubborn unshed tears.

  Nate pulled the curtains around the bed, giving them some privacy. It merely added to Violet’s sense of emotional suffocation.

  It was the first time her father had taken any responsibility for her mother’s death, everything Violet had wanted since losing her. Seeing his distress as he did so didn’t bring her the peace she’d always imagined. Quite the opposite. It was distressing to discover he’d been hurting all this time on his own too. Perhaps if he’d been this open with her back then she wouldn’t have been so desperate to leave and they could’ve used their combined grief as a base to evolve their relationship instead of leaving it to stagnate.

  ‘All you had to do was love us.’ Her voice became smaller as the tragedy of her loss got bigger.

  ‘I did. I still do. I never meant to hurt you or your mother but I always wanted to do the best for Strachmore too. Generations of my family kept the castle through war and unrest. I couldn’t be the one to let it all slip away. I didn’t realise it was your mother I’d truly failed until it was too late.’

  ‘Why couldn’t you have said this at the time to your teenage daughter who thought she’d lost the only parent who cared for her?’ Until now she’d only ever seen the dark side of him and had run from it at the first opportunity. This guilt, this expression of actual emotion had come too late for her mother, perhaps even for her. Everything she’d thought she’d known about her father and her parents’ marriage had coloured her view on every relationship she’d ever had. It had even cost her one with Nate.

  ‘I dealt with things the only way I knew how—with a stiff upper lip. I was devastated, but what use would I have been to you if I’d fallen apart too? I might have gone about things the wrong way but I was the one who had to be strong. I’ve come close to death too many times this week to take anything for granted. I don’t want to die with you still hating me. It’s difficult enough knowing your mother went feeling that way about me. I’d do anything to change places with her. I’ve wanted that since she passed but I can’t undo the past. Nathaniel has given me a second chance to at least try and make amends with you.’

  Silence fell in the small cubicle, heavy with unspoken apology. She wouldn’t have expected him to break down and beg for forgiveness but seeing him contrite like this was unnerving in itself. It was a bittersweet moment. This was the conversation he should’ve had with her mother, explaining his actions and exhibiting signs of humanity—capable of making mistakes and now owning up to them.

  The logical part of her brain knew her mother must’ve had mental-health problems beyond her father’s churlish ways to do what she’d done. Violet had chosen to ignore that fact and diverted all the anger she felt as a result of her mother’s actions towards her father. It wasn’t going to be easy to shift her perception of her father overnight and she needed time to process everything. With his roundabout apology she wasn’t certain what he expected from her in return either.

  ‘I don’t hate you and I’ll be here for as long as you need me. We’ll discuss this again when you’re feeling better. Now get some rest.’ She was desperately fighting her own tears, her breath catching on the lump of emotion wedged in her throat. She didn’t want to cause him any more pain than he was obviously already in.

  She leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek. An act she’d never carried out without being prompted. He wanted her forgiveness, and she would willingly give it if she thought they could move on, but she couldn’t help feeling as though she was walking into another trap.

  * * *

  ‘Are you going to be okay?’ Nate had snatched his keys from the dining-room floor where they’d fallen from his pocket during the fight to save the Earl and now he was saying his goodbyes on Strachmore’s marble steps.

  He and Violet had taken a taxi back together, since he had to get his car, but she’d been non-communicative during the journey home. She was entitled to some quiet after another fraught day. He’d inadvertently intruded on her heart-to-heart with her father and been as shocked by the outcome as she was. However, he didn’t want her to sit brooding all night, feeling guilty about what had happened, or dwelling on her father’s state of mind. None of this was her fault.

  ‘I never saw that coming,’ she said, staring off into the distance. ‘He was grieving in his own way, still is, and I left him alone. I’m supposed to be a mental-health expert and I didn’t even consider that a possibility.’

  ‘You couldn’t have known when you were in a different country. I would say he’s been very good at keeping his feelings to himself when my parents didn’t pick up on it either and they see him every day. Hell, he’s my patient, if you want to start pointing fingers at people who should have seen he was having trouble coping with his grief.’ Perhaps if Nate hadn’t known the background to their estrangement he might’ve picked up on other reasons for the Earl’s mood swings besides his relationship with Violet. Blame wasn’t going to solve the problem, only more of the plain talking he’d witnessed tonight.

  ‘That’s the point, I wasn’t here. I was feeling sorry for myself in London, learning to treat people with mental issues when my own father was mourning the loss of his wife. Hating him all this time makes me the awful person I thought he was.’ Her eyes rested on him again, two oceans of blue crashing with waves of sorrow.

  He grabbed her by the shoulders, desperate to still those troubled waters. ‘Stop this. It’s obvious he wants you to stay here—that’s why he’s telling you all of this. He’s trying to leave whatever has gone on between you behind so you can now both start to look forward. You’ve both suffered and I’m sure you’ve both said things you’ve regretted but now’s the time to let the healing begin. These plans for Strachmore could mean a clean slate and a chance for you two to start building bridges if we can get him on board.’

  A strengthening of Violet’s relationship with her father would not only bring them some peace of mind, it could also give Nate some space from the happenings at the Dempsey household. He was already in way over his head and if he could hand over the reins so much the better. When all was said and done he wasn’t going to be part of Strachmore’s legacy any more than he was going to be a permanent fixture in Violet’s life. These were all simply temporary arra
ngements due to circumstance. Not even his first love took priority over his sense of self-preservation. At least, not long-term.

  ‘And I want that but not at the price I suspect I’ll have to pay. What if I’m simply swapping one prison for another? I ran away so he wouldn’t be able to force me to marry and keep me tied to this place. After that emotional outpouring I’ll be the bad guy again if I leave again. I don’t want him under the illusion I’m staying indefinitely. Whether he chooses to go along with this wedding idea or not, I’ve still got a job and a home in London I have every intention of returning to.’

  Her torment was pretty much the same as his own. Somehow they had to find a way to fulfil their promises but still maintain their hold on their lives pre-heart attack. Ones which hadn’t included Strachmore or each other.

  ‘Everything’s still raw at the minute. You can clarify the situation tomorrow and discuss what you both expect to come from this.’ When everyone had had a good night’s sleep and some time to think about exactly what they’d committed to.

  ‘I don’t know how to do that without disappointing him again. I want Strachmore to succeed but I’m not sacrificing everything else for it.’

  ‘Tell him you’re glad he got everything off his chest but your personal circumstances haven’t changed as a result. Set very clear boundaries so you remain in control. If you don’t have a firm date for going back to work, make one and don’t break it.’ That would prevent them both from falling any deeper into this quagmire of guilt and responsibility they’d unwittingly stumbled into. With an end date they’d be able to claw their way back out at some point and carry on as though this had never happened.

  ‘He’s always been such a dominant force I don’t think I can cope if he starts talking about dying again. I’m afraid I’ll let him guilt-trip me into staying permanently. I’m so weak.’

  He could feel her shoulders sag under the weight of her burden. Nothing tonight seemed to have eased it for her. He gave her a gentle shake in an attempt to awaken that fighting spirit he’d seen in her earlier.

  ‘Emotionally and physically exhausted perhaps, but you’re certainly not weak. You took over CPR tonight without hesitation when I began to tire, pumping your father’s heart as though it was your own life depending on it. Does that sound like a woman who can’t handle a crisis to you?’

  That raised a faint smile. ‘I did surprise myself.’

  ‘You didn’t surprise me. I’ve always known how amazing you are.’ He let go of his grip on her shoulders to cradle her face in his hands. With only the shine of the moon lighting the darkness, bathing Violet’s heart-shaped features in its silvery glow, she’d never looked so beautiful.

  With adrenaline and pride still coursing through his veins post-op, he leaned in for a kiss. He’d gained some respect tonight and it was enough to bolster his ego. Although he might never find total acceptance, her soft lips against his would be sufficient reward.

  Violet accepted his tongue into her warm mouth, met him with her own. Somehow she tasted sweeter now he knew there’d be no complications in getting involved. She didn’t want to stay at Strachmore any longer than was necessary or any more than he did. They could both walk away at the end of her stay without any ill feeling or recriminations this time.

  They wanted each other—that much had never really been in doubt. Everything preventing this attraction reaching its natural conclusion was an obstacle constructed by his own pride.

  ‘Are we really going to do this?’ Violet already knew the answer but they’d both changed their minds so often she didn’t want either of them to end up disappointed. Her head was so full of every word spoken, every life-changing decision that had been made over the course of the evening, she needed to be free of her thoughts for a while.

  Nate was encouraging her to leave as soon as feasibly possible, removing that last obstacle before they got naked with each other. They were going into this with their eyes open and their hearts closed this time around. Neither would expect more than the other was prepared to give, avoiding any guilt or misunderstandings. Exactly how she preferred to conduct her love life.

  ‘I guess so.’ Nate interrupted her inner conciliation with what she was doing with his husky breath in her ear. It instantly revitalised her weary body, awakening every nerve ending and hitting each erogenous zone simultaneously.

  Why was she still waiting?

  ‘Shall we take this inside?’ She was breathless; the cold night air and Nate’s trail of kisses over the sensitive skin at her neck conspiring to make her shiver.

  ‘Only if we can skip the acrobatics on the fixtures and fittings and go straight to bed. I’ve been on my feet all night.’ Nate grinned as he backed her over the doorstep and kicked the door shut with his foot.

  ‘You’re just full of brilliant ideas, Nathaniel Taylor.’ She wasn’t about to object to some tenderness after the day she’d had. A night lying in each other’s arms sounded perfect to her.

  ‘I think this is one of my best ones yet.’ He growled and grabbed her backside. She flung her arms around his neck as he kissed her again, keeping them locked together as he hoisted her up around his waist.

  ‘I thought you said no acrobatics?’ It did a girl’s ego good to be picked up so effortlessly and carried upstairs as though she weighed nothing. Even more when she could feel the hard evidence of her seducer’s arousal pressing into her.

  ‘I’m simply making sure I have you where I want you. The door is shut, my phone’s off, and I’m not due back to work until tomorrow. No more interruptions. Tonight is ours. I’m reclaiming it.’ He fastened his mouth to hers, sealing that promise he would do everything to drive her demons away for a while at least.

  ‘Well, in that case, giddy up, Taylor.’ She dropped her hand to slap him on the ass, giggling at the surprise on his face.

  ‘Oh, it’s like that, is it, Dempsey? You think you’re the one calling the shots here?’ He halted their journey at the top of the stairs, pushing her up against the wall and rendering her limbs useless.

  ‘Uh-huh,’ she mumbled, daring him to prove her wrong.

  Now he had her pinned between the hardness of his body and the brickwork, his hands were free to do just that. He slid the sleeve of her white peasant blouse off her shoulder, exposing her skin to more soft kisses. Her insides turned to mush while everything on the outside stood up and begged for more.

  ‘You sure about that?’ he asked with a devilish grin that caught her breath as she waited to see what else he had in store.

  ‘Hmm, mmm.’ She nodded, temporarily struck dumb as he slipped his hand inside her bra.

  Her nipples were as hard as diamonds now at the very idea he was claiming her body for the night as he palmed her breast with an authority to make her gasp. She could afford to relinquish a little control if it meant feeling this good.

  He teased her at first with a flick of the tongue over her puckered pink flesh, only increasing the pressure, and the enjoyment, when she bucked against him demanding more. There were no more thoughts buzzing in her head except those of the carnal kind as Nate drew her nipple into his mouth, sucking her towards oblivion. She was caught between a moan and a gasp as he took her to the crossroads between pain and pleasure.

  She’d been right not to let this happen when they were young. If she’d known this would be how it felt to be in his bed she might never have left home. At least here and now she was free to savour this for what it was without trying to predict what happened next. She’d take an orgasm and one hell of a memory to keep her warm in her old age over a doomed relationship any day.

  ‘You’re a stubborn so-and-so. I guess we’ll just have to take our turn at going on top.’ He peeled her back off the wall and carried her towards the bedroom. It was just as well when she knew her trembling legs would never have carried her there on their own.

 
He dropped her gently onto the bed and proceeded to strip her clothes away, leaving her panties to the very last. If sexy was a handsome cardiologist tugging your underwear down with his teeth she’d hit the jackpot. It was like watching her wildest, most erotic dream play out for real. Except someone had censored out the best bit.

  She teased her fingers along the ridge in his trousers, making it his turn to moan. And strip. He stood strong and proud, meeting all of her expectations as he sprang free from his confinement.

  ‘What about contraception? I don’t have any with me.’ The pained expression as he made the confession said he’d put an end to this now, regardless of his own discomfort, if protection was an issue.

  ‘It’s okay, I’m covered.’ She might’ve been offended he was so frightened of somehow getting trapped if she hadn’t been on the pill since her first real boyfriend for the very same reason. A pregnancy didn’t go together with her independent woman stance.

  Nate’s relief was there in his smile, and every other part of his body she could see was willing this to happen. There didn’t seem a valid argument for holding back any more when they were clearly ready to take the next step. One they’d both waited a long time for.

  He joined her on the bed, covering her lips and body with his. She rubbed herself against his erection, her softness yielding to his long length until they were joined together in one quick thrust. He exhaled a shaky breath in her ear as she settled around him. The sound of his contentment echoed the same sense of satisfaction travelling from her well-tended lips to her curled toes. This moment was everything she’d expected it to be, everything she’d feared it could be.

  He was kissing her again, tending her lips at a leisurely pace, reminding her they had all night to indulge this fantasy when her body was craving everything he had now. She trembled with need, her urgency to reach that final peak increasing every time he drove into her. Her mind drifted between this plane and the next, only the pinch of Nate’s fingers on her flesh keeping her anchored in the present for now.